Line Dance Study Guide

We're finalizing the guest list now, and if you found your way here using a magnet with our picture on it, there's a good chance you're on it. For those of you on the borderline, the deciding factors are whether you can be counted on to (1) sit quietly through the ceremony (2) behave completely riotously during the reception. By some quirk of anthropology, those two characteristics are frequently found in the same populations.

In an attempt to ensure the crowd stays on its feet for the duration of the party, we're only ordering one chair for every five guests. If you want to sit down (which I discourage), you'll have to bring your own.

We at OscArletta understand that some of you will be better prepared than others for the complex maneuvering that will be expected. What follows is the minimal curriculum that will ensure your slides are fully charged and shims well shammed. Of course, don't expect everything to be this linear, or orderly. The dances are listed in order of increasing difficulty, or decreasing maximum sobriety.

Electric Slide
This is one dance that should have critical mass, even with among total squares. If you don't know it, just get in the middle and try not to get stepped on.


Cha Cha Slide
This one seems to be a favorite, with a high movement:skill ratio. Not my favorite, but I understand we're not actually legally married without it.


Copperhead Road
We'll need a couple of country songs to make sure everybody feels equally at home, or equally awkward.

Shim Sham
Euclid tells us we need two points to make a line, so at least one other person will need to learn the Shim Sham if we're going to do it. It's a bit advanced for lesson one.

Slower, if that helps. Same leader, about 70 years earlier.


Superbad
Surprisingly easier than it looks, but most of you will need help with this one.


Auditions will be some time in March '09, with enough time to re-apply for those of you who need remedial help. If you've forgotten the Macarena, you're in good company, and are advised not to think of it again. The YMCA survived the cut only by intervention of the Bride, who enjoys any activity involving spelling and large scale exposure of underarms.